Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
