Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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