i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
