I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize