Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
