You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
