I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Quick, to the slutcave!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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