Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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