There was a lot of him and a little penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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