I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
