If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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