No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
