I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
