I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
