Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
