First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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