I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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