About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
