I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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