I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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