I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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