Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
