Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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