he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
