yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
