Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
