I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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