im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize