I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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