I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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