When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
