I think I died a long time ago.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
