Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
