I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
