I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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