God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh god it's open bar.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
