Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
