just come out here and I will go home with you...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
