Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
