You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
