She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
