I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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