i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
