Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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