just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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