I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
