end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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