I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
