So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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