i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
