I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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