Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
