end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
