somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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