i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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