omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
