Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
