So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
