I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
