I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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