just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
