before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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