just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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