our cab driver is having phone sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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