I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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