the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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