if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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