I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
