yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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